The dictator who lives inside my head.


Wake up. Get ready. Have your super-healthy-but-not-hard-on-yourself breakfast.  Go to school. Stay focused. But don’t forget to have a good time. Interact with people. If you don’t socialize you’ll feel sooo bad. Plan your afternoon. Don’t be on social media for too long, it’s bad. But also stay updated, you don’t want to miss out on what happened while you put your phone away. I know you want to have chocolate but eat that apple, SO much healthier. You don’t want to NOT like yourself right? Finish that homework. You don’t want to procrastinate. Work out. Everyone else is doing it while you’re sitting there on your lazy ass. Just make time for it. Other people do. You have to be able to. Eat your dinner at a reasonable time so your body can process it before you go to bed. This way you’re less likely to put on weight. Remember. You DON’T want that. Go to sleep early. You know all the disadvantages that come if you don’t. You don’t want bad skin. You don’t want a headache. You certainly don’t want to be unproductive the next day.

To every motivational saying, there’s a dark thought. It’s easy to fool people by saying you just do things for yourself, to feel good. Sometimes you do, sometimes it’s just bullshit. It’s not even about keeping up with everybody else, it’s more like not disappointing the you-have-to-stay-on-top-of-things voice that rules your bad days, your I-just-don’t-feel-like-doing-anything today, the times you feel bad about being lost because you probably should be finding solutions to your problems already, etc.

In such fast-paced society, we don’t have the time needed to sit back and look at what we’re doing, at where we’re heading towards. We keep ourselves busy in case we have spare time to feel low. Having a bad day after having had one where all the squares on your to-do list were checked is not rewarding, it sucks. It’s sucks a lot. Our automatic behavior is to criticize ourselves for not keeping up with yesterday’s attitude, instead of telling ourselves that we can get back up from the “failure” of the day and do the best we can from there. It’s not an easy process learning to master the voice of the devil in your head, but just keep going and treat yourself as good as you do when you succeed. Put the same amount of effort you put on controlling everything into being gentle with yourself when you feel like quitting.

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