“If you’re open, if you’re generous, if you’re vulnerable and if you’re not cynical about love, life, happiness and excitement…, I want that life for you, because I think you’ll have a much more beautiful life.” – Taylor Swift
I’ve found myself lately in a situation I hadn’t been in for a long time. That situation used to control my life. It controlled the outcome of everything. I hadn’t found myself there for many months. I knew that months had gone by and that things had changed, but I didn’t realize how much I had actually changed until I found myself there again.
Reconnecting with someone you loved, and still love, with all your heart and soul, is always challenging. Time has passed, you have switched your patterns, your responses to situations you didn’t even think about doing before, how you treat yourself and most importantly, how you think of yourself. It’s not until the same situation hits you again that you notice all these changes, how far you’ve come.
It’s hard to see our progress because we’re connected to our thoughts 24/7 and a bunch of shit goes through them that makes us question if we have got any better. You dream about not feeling the way you used to, about not falling back on your old ways and you’re afraid of the possibility of getting close to it once again and not being strong enough to remember all that you’ve learnt. “All the shit I went through can’t be for nothing”.
We get so caught up in our suffering, in what happened and in the thought that “It’s always going to be this way, I just can’t help it.” and we don’t take notice of our own evolution. The strange thing happens when you face the situation again and it feels completely the same, yet remarkably different. It no longer fuels your being, it no longer takes away your happiness when it’s not present, it no longer holds your self-worth and it no longer defines your future. You can still love and not hurt. You’re clean to start again and it feels amazing.
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